Perfectly Hidden Depression by Margaret Robinson Rutherford

No one knows the real you because you never let them in. You’re not comfortable with the reality of you so you pretend it doesn’t exist.  If this sounds all too familiar to you, then you need this book.

5/5 stars.
ARC, ebook, 232 pages.
Read from May 29, 2019 to May 31, 2019.

You always meet your deadlines regardless of how you’re feeling, you push forward through difficult circumstances and hide behind a facade in order to keep an appearance of having it all together. All because you don’t want to be perceived as incompetent or weak, yet inside you’re constantly battling with yourself, your feelings, and your self-worth. You’ve tried to line yourself up with the standard definitions of depression yet you never fully fit it due to your heightened sense of responsibility, your inability to recognise or share your feelings, and the high sense of control you constantly try to implement in your life. No one knows the real you because you never let them in. You’re not comfortable with the reality of you so you pretend it doesn’t exist.  If this sounds all too familiar to you, then you need this book.

After some harrowing experiences with patients, the author of this book noticed a pattern and began to put together the shape of this unique type of depression that often goes unnoticed and undiagnosed. Coined by the author, Perfectly Hidden Depression (PHD) can be the result of a variety of factors such as upbringing, ingrained beliefs, and personality traits. The author states that there isn’t anything in the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual (DSM) on this type of depression but that this is an acknowledgement and an observation from her own professional experiences (which she details and provides resources for). The author believes PHD is a subset of depression that many practitioners miss because it doesn’t present the way the DSM has listed. The author gives this list of defining features that make up someone with PHD:

  • Are highly perfectionistic and have a constant, critical,
    and shaming inner voice
  • Demonstrate a heightened or excessive sense of
    responsibility
  • Detach from painful emotions by staying in your head
    and actively shutting them off
  • Worry and need to control yourself and your
    environment
  • Intensely focus on tasks, using accomplishment to feel
    valuable
  • Focus on the well-being of others but don’t allow them
    into your inner world
  • Discount personal hurt or sorrow and struggle with
    self-compassion
  • May have an accompanying mental health issue, such
    as an eating disorder, anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or addiction
  • Believe strongly in counting your blessings as the foundation of well-being
  • May enjoy success within a professional structure but
    struggle with emotional intimacy in relationships

Think of some of the shocking celebrity suicides that have happened recently, Anthony Bourdain, for example. Everyone thought he has this dream life and that he seemed like a generally happy and satisfied person. What if Anthony was the epitome of PHD? In that, he felt his personal value was only in his accomplishments, driven by how grateful he thought he should feel, and then feeling burdened and overwhelmed by the mask of achievement and perfection that he felt he had to wear. He also had addiction problems. If we knew more about people that presented with this perfectly masked depression we could provide them with better treatment and save them and those around them an immense amount of suffering.

“Anthony Bourdain was apparently not physically ill, not financially destitute, not concerned about getting his next meal, and not lacking in fame. In fact, he remarked he had “the greatest job in the world.”” – Toronto Sun, July 7, 2018

It’s hard not to get personal in reviewing this book as I picked it up from Netgalley out of my own personal interest. After reading The Gifts of Imperfection eight years ago I worked through my own PHD, which at the time was just learning to be vulnerable again. I started talking and writing about my issues and the condition, dermatillomania, that still plagues me, something that would have been unthinkable before. I made steep headway with Brené Brown’s book but it wasn’t enough. This book feels like the acknowledgement and the validation I need to press forward in my own personal growth and happiness in terms of the regressions I have made at this point in my life.

The author of this book is shedding light on an area of depression that requires some serious attention. Her writing is personable, concise, insightful, informative, resourceful and clinical. I have already recommended this book to at least three people I know and I anxiously await its publication as I look forward to adding this to my permanent bookshelf.  At this time, I have not done the reflections recommended in the book as I was excited and anxious to get through all the content because of how alarmingly relevant I found it. I am now looking forward to re-reading the book and diligently doing the reflections which I believe will be immensely valuable. I’ve already started recommending this book which is due to be published on November 1, 2019. I highly recommended this book to anyone who feels they fit this description, and if you do, chances are you’re reluctant to reach out for help, so start with this book, no one has to know.

Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers by Robert M. Sapolsky

“A large percentage of what we think of when we talk about stress-related diseases are disorders of excessive stress-responses.”

4/5 stars.
Paperback,560 pages.
Read from March 27, 2019 to April 24, 2019.

When this book was recommended to me I thought it was a self-help book for whatever reason. It’s not. Not really. And for that, I’m grateful as it’s one the most clever, accessible, and engaging science reads I’ve come across.

Sapolsky is a professor of biological sciences, neurology and neurological sciences and based on his candid writing style, is exactly the kind of prof you would go out of your way to take a class with. He writes about the science he is passionate about and includes funny personal anecdotes and relevant studies to his work. If you don’t read the footnotes in this book you’re really going to miss out as it was one of my favourite aspects of this book. Seriously, hilarious.

Sapolsky’s book opens with some biology basics that is a nice refresher on high school content. It may feel technical at first, but as Sapolsky points out, he uses the lingo so much through the book and explains it in such simple terms that it’s easy to progress through the chapters. He takes you through how stress affects every single aspect of our body. It’s actually deeply unnerving to read and, dare I say it, stressful! The funny footnotes and candid comments that Sapolsky makes throughout the book are necessary to counterbalance the anxiety-inducing facts he is laying on you about prolonged stress and disease. Sapolsky also discusses why our stress response is different than that of all the other species in the worlds and how our modern world doesn’t do our stress responses any favours. The also talks about why our stress response is essential, despite some of its faults.

In a way, what Sapolsky is stating isn’t anything we didn’t really already know it’s just nice (scary) to have the science behind it. He also explores the social and political aspects of stress as well and how it plays in with the science of stress. For example, being poor gives you a higher chance of having stress-related diseases. Of course, this makes sense when you have trouble meeting your basic needs which are the number one cause of major stress in any species. Additionally, he also explores how relationships and religion can play a part in easing or exasperating stress and stress-related diseases.

“Medicine is a social science, and politics nothing but medicine on a large scale.”

The book concludes with a short chapter on what you can do to help combat prolonged stress to reduce your chances of getting a stress-related disease. I was actually hoping there would be more in this chapter after all the anxiety-inducing stress facts Sapolsky loads you with, especially considering some major stress factors are from uncontrollable circumstances. I genuinely enjoyed reading this book and I think it would be a good read for anyone interested in an engaging science read on our modern lifestyles. However, this book may not be the best book for excessive worriers or hypochondriacs, probably best to stick to self-help books on stress if you consider yourself one of these types.

 

Acne: Just Another Four-Letter Word by Aarti Patel

“Acne is shaped by our thoughts, our emotions, and also by social influences all around us.”

3/5 stars.
ebook, 131 pages.
Read from April 28, 2019 to April 29, 2019.

I was given a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review (thanks Aarti). While I don’t have a hefty battle with acne, I do contend with dermatillomania in which the frustrating feeling of helplessness and shame are remarkably similar to those suffering from acne. Such as the of never-ending obsessive thoughts about your skin, whether that’s covering it up, faster ways to heal it, or the constant search for that miracle product or system that will help break the vicious cycle of anxiety and negativity.

The purpose of this book is meant to shape the way you view your skin and your acne. The author defines acne as a bully, by giving it its own persona and making it something other than yourself. Similar approaches are taken when viewing things like depression or anxiety, in that these thoughts and feelings are not you and don’t define who you are. The author also addresses the extremes that many of us go through in order to deal with our skin from fad diets to expensive skin care regimes that ultimately make us feel as if our bad skin is of our own fault and if we can just somehow control it with the right diet, skin care, exercise etc. our life will be better. The author has a flowing and easy to read writing style that’s technically good and works well for the topic at hand.

While I cannot speak for the author’s claims on curing acne with this kind of thinking, it is still a beneficial approach for anyone who has ever struggled with their skin. I appreciate her sentiments on the approaches the medical field takes towards acne but it would have been nice to see some case studies, testimonials, or even some anecdotal evidence to support her claims as it would have added some scientific clarity to her work.

While I wouldn’t go so far as to recommend this book as a cure, there is something to be said about the mind and body connection and reducing stress and anxiety. This book would be beneficial for anyone who struggles with insecurities, depression, or anxiety involving their skin, regardless of the physical outcome as changing negative thought patterns is one way in regain control over our worries and vicious thought cycles.