We Have Always Been Here: A Queen Muslim Memoir by Samra Habib

Grown-ups, who are supposed to protect their children, are limited by what “best” has felt like to them, based on the circumstances they grew in and the privilege they did or did not have. The lines between grown-up and child were often blurred between me and my mom. Her “best” did not look like mine; in fact, it looked like danger. It felt like surrender.

4/5 stars.
ebook, 190 pages.
Read from January 29, 2020 to February 1, 2020.

Whoop whoop! First book into the Canada Reads 2020 and its started out with a bang. This year Canada Reads brings one collection of novellas, two memoirs, and two pieces of fiction. I started with We Have Always Been Here which is one of the two memoirs heading into the debates. We Have Always Been Here will be defended by Amanda Brugel during the debates taking place from March 16-19th.

Samra spent her childhood years growing up in Pakistan in fear of religious persecution as well as the threat of a highly patriarchal society that stifled her and her family. After being sexually assaulted by a family friend her life became even more restricted. From a young age Samra had a fire in her that couldn’t be put out no matter what was thrown at her. When violence started to escalate her family was thankfully able to pack up and flee to Canada to safety. Samra and her family found themselves in a new home where they were not as affluent as they were in Pakistan. Samra struggled as a new immigrant at school and even more so with her identity as she struggled between her conservative family values and a country with a new way of life that she found immensely appealing. Samra is married and divorced, twice, before the age of 25 and goes on an exploratory journey with her own sexuality as she realises her own queerness. Still, Samra is drawn to her religion and needs to find a new way to connect with her church and her family as she blooms into her true self.

How do you find yourself when the world tells you that you don’t exist?

Samra Habib

Samra is now an advocate for the queer Muslim community with her writing and photography to help highlight and bring light to queer Muslims who have been in her situation. Samra’s writing is frank and engaging as she details the story of her life without asking for sympathy. Her journey is an empowering one and one that I didn’t want to put down. Samra embraces her queerness, femininity, and religion with grace and strength and I thoroughly enjoyed reading her memoir.

Is this the one book to bring Canada into focus? While this is an immensely important topic we will have to wait and see what the other books bring to the table to the debates.

 

Know My Name by Chanel Miller

“You took away my worth, my privacy, my energy, my time, my safety, my intimacy, my confidence, my own voice. Until today.”

5/5 stars.
ebook, 368 pages.
Read from December 4, 2019 to December 8, 2019.

Fuck me. This book… It’s hard to put into words how great this book is and how powerfully awesome it is. When the sexual assault case with Brock Turner was all over the news I remember reading the whole impact statement from the victim, “Emily Doe”, and it hit me, hard. This unbelievable woman spoke the words that every single sexual assault survivor ever wanted to say to their perpetrators and to society. It was the most moving and empowering “fuck you” to rape culture that I’ve ever read.

In this tell-all memoir, Chanel takes you through her whole traumatic experience from start to finish. From what her life was like before the assault, to what she remembers, her experiences in court and how the drawn-out process ravaged chaos on her and family. She describes the disparity in herself as she struggles to bring Chanel and her “Emily Doe” life together. In her day to day life, no one knows she is the “Emily Doe” in this enormous news story that has captured the attention of a nation and many parts of the Western world. Her suffering is immense and so is her family’s. Her name may be protected but her family’s is not. Her sister is hassled continuously by news reporters and due to the nature of the case and her sister’s involvement, the two them cannot even discuss what happened or help each other.

“My pain was never more valuable than his potential.”

What was so important about this trial was that is shed light on rape culture. This is now a term that everyone knows about and it is partially thanks to this trial and because of Chanel’s bravery. Brock’s meagre sentencing, the bias of the judge, and Stanford’s lack of support for Chanel displays how prominent rape culture is ingrained in our society and the disservice it does sexual assault victims. Chanel brings to light that the people that commit sexual assaults are people that you know and often don’t “seem the type” to commit such acts.

“The friendly guy who helps you move and assists senior citizens in the pool is the same guy who assaulted me. One person can be capable of both. Society often fails to wrap its head around the fact that these truths often coexist, they are not mutually exclusive. Bad qualities can hide inside a good person. That’s the terrifying part.”

Chanel’s writing really allows you to step inside of her world and how she and family felt during this whole ordeal. Her writing is potent, very concise, and well-done and I’d be lying if I said I had an easy time putting this book down. Her story left me in awe after finishing it and has sat with me for some time. Chanel is immensely humble of her impact and has used her voice in the most appropriate way. This book is her reclaiming her voice and I hope she fucking makes millions from this novel. Buy this book and share with everyone you know. Do it.

Favourite Reads of 2019

2019 proved to be a difficult year for me. Thank goodness for books!


2019 proved to be a difficult year for me. Thank goodness for books! I almost didn’t make my reading goal this year but a few long flights allowed me to power through and reach 50 for the year. So without further ado, here are the five fiction and the five non-fiction books that I read in 2019 that I left the lasting impression.

Fiction:

The Nightingale
Well, well, well, isn’ it wonderful when the hype about a book turns out to be true? This novel had the perfect combination of things that I love in a good book. A historical-fiction plot based in WWII (one of my favourite settings), strong and dynamic female characters, great writing, and a few surprises in store at the end. If this book has been on your TBR pile, it’s time to go and pick it up!

The Last Wish
I am ecstatic to have found another fantasy series that I’m in love with and I will definitely be devouring every book in this series. After playing some of the Witcher games it was a nice surprise to find out that there was also a book series. This novel really stuck with me and is a quality fantasy read. Needless to say, I don’t plan on leaving the Witcher world anytime soon.

Confederacy of Dunces
One of most hilarious and clever books I’ve ever read. The writing and character work in this novel is nothing short of brilliant and it pains me to think of the talent with lost with the author’s early passing. This book would appeal to anyway the read and loved Don Quixote or who is interested in misadventure stories with unique protagonists.

A Chorus of Mushrooms
I received this poetic and Murakami-esqe book as a gift this year and it was the most beautiful story I read this year. It details 3 generations of Japanese-Canadians and the importance of family and personal identity.

The Monsters We Deserve
If you have ever read Frankenstein, then you need to read this little known book. This short novel leaves the reader wondering what actually happens to the narrator and how much of this tense story is real or metaphorical. The writing is smart, highly creative and very well-paced making for an engaging read.

Non-Fiction:

Educated
There are many memoirs out there that are written by pretentious and self-important people that make for dull reads, which is generally why I don’t read too many. Then there are memoirs that detail the life of a seemingly ordinary person that has led the most remarkable life and has overcome challenges that many of us can’t even envision. This is one of those memoirs. Well-written and very engaging, this book is worth the hype.

Know My Name
I hope Chanel Miller makes millions with this book. Chanel is the young woman who was sexually assaulted by Brock Turner. This is her story and what a story it is. It’s phenomenally written and ridiculously engaging. 

The Way Through The Woods
Since my family and I experienced our own intense personal grief this year, I picked up this in hopes it might be an interesting read and be able to recommend it. This book snuck up on me. It’s half about the author’s personal mourning with the other half detailing facts about mushrooms and how learning about them helped the author deal with her grief. It’s both interesting and educational and provided me with insights on grief that stuck with me long after finishing it.

Stiff
Keeping on the theme of grief and death this was another book that appealed to me in 2019. Mary Roach approaches cadavers in a very entertaining, informative and tactful manner. She observes and interviews the intricate lives of those doing the less-than-glamorous work with corpses while also exploring the strategies they use in order to cope and maintain their humanity with the surreal nature of their jobs.

Perfectly Hidden Depression
The author of this book is shedding light on an area of depression that requires some serious attention. Her writing is personable, concise, insightful, informative, resourceful and clinical.  Perfectly hidden depression presents differently than your standard depression and after years of experience with patients, this author felt the need to draw attention to the behaviour she was seeing. Read my review to see if you fit this subset of depression.